Hi Cassie, I would like if you could answer a question my friends and I were discussing yesterday. Who has “the pants” or “is in charge” of the Malec relationship. I truly belive Alec has it by the way, but I would like you clearing the topic.

I, uh. Don’t have an answer to this, because it’s not really a question I understand. I’d be a lot more comfortable with the question if it wasn’t one I get always about Magnus and Alec and never about any other couple. I think there’s a sort of manga/yaoi trope that in same-sex relationships one person is “in charge” but — that’s not actually how these things work in real life, any more than one person is “in charge” in straight relationships. In any relationship, there is the possibility that one person could have more power, emotionally or I suppose even physically, but 1) those things aren’t necessarily related and 2) it’s not something that you can apply to relationships across the board.

If you’re just talking about power dynamics specifically, Magnus is older, and a powerful warlock. Alec is stronger physically and up until recently, had the kind of power that comes from being the pursued and not the pursuer. The power dynamics of the relationship are complicated, which has nothing to do with them both being boys and everything to do with them both being people.

I also get a lot of questions about Magnus and Alec’s sex life that seem to reflect a lot of yaoi and not so much reality, but young’uns read this blog, so if you’re that keen to learn, I would check out Dan Savage’s many excellent writings about this stuff. *waves you toward the Savage Love column - just google it*